welcome to Ultimate marriage weekly show designed to replace the lies culture has told us about marriage and family with the raw truth found in the Bible the premise is simple divorce is rising families are falling in the culture and even the church seems to be more confused than ever my name is Dale Partridge along with my incredible wife Veronica join us as we start an important conversation about what it really means to have a Christian marriage
 hey guys welcome to ultra marriage today we're going to talk about how to have a marriage that is Holy and not just happy of what does it mean to have a hole in their charges a happy marriage the subtitle of his book is is marriage is here to make you holy not too just to make you happy anyways. Concept and I thought it was important to talk about today what does that actually mean it's a real talk about that Ross going to answer to questions you know later in the show today's a very short show because we got a busy week I have an exam for my hermeneutics class at my graduate program for Bible College Seminary stuff and and then we're also having a live 90-minute teaching for our one year old to a program I were teaching about sex for 90 minutes this Thursday and if you're interested in learning more
 the program want to be involved in the next one just go to Ultimate marriage.com and notify I'm just I'm still fighting this stomach thing and we're working hard to do that so yeah Daddy stress trying to pull back a bit and if you're watching this video we're dress warm
 Veronica is wearing a
 jean Sherpa lined Levi's denim jacket and I'm wearing a Costco vest don't judge me I want to talk to you guys about this idea I've been reading it the Old Testament and we've been just I've been going through all the stuff for my hermeneutics class Jeremiah reading about through Deuteronomy is doing some stuff in the Torah and I'm I'm finding that there's just a sounding theme that's going through the Old Testament and he's constantly telling the children of Israel not to eat differently to dress differently to work differently to worship differently he's he's he has all these rules that kind of separate the Israelites from all the other peoples in the area and what he's really doing it in a Biblical sentence
 calling us to be different different separate that word holy means to be separate Deuteronomy 7:6 says for you are a people holy to the Lord your God the Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession out of all the peoples who are on the face of the Earth and that seemed it just kinda again goes through just making the Israelites to do all these things that are different and that they are there at their peculiar people that their separate and I think God's put the put these practices in place even today and I want to talk about that for your marriage about what does it look like this Old Testament principal and what is the command of the New Testament to actually be holy and separate so 1st Peter 2:9 want to read that babe a royal priesthood a holy nation
 his own special people that you may proclaim the Praises of him who called who called you out of the darkness Into His Marvelous Light hear this you know it's were chosen generation a royal priesthood a holy nation now this this letter is for sure you know Peter was the Apostle to the Israelites the Jews but again this is applicable cuz I think this is talking about the church is just talking about all those who believe in Jesus Christ his own special people that you may proclaim the Praises of him who called you out of Darkness Into His Marvelous Light okay guys the theme of the Old Testament is Holiness separateness the theme of the New Testament surprise is Holiness and separateness being different being in the world but not of the world and that that actually being going into the world but not being of the world staying in the world and so I want you guys to evaluate
 is that true of your life are you guys actually holy in separate are you going to kill your people do you look different against the culture yeah do people look at you and in a way that they're they're kind of odd are curious you know I think I think 1st Peter I talked about this before but I'll mention it again 1st Peter 3:15 is the Apologetics verse that says I'm going to try to wing it off top my head but always be prepared to give a defense for the hope that is in you and do so with meekness and fear and that's the the word censor mean in the Greek of apology at 4 we get the word apologetics if you look prior to that he's talking about how to live holy
 has the scripture we just read be holy be different and because you're so different
 people will be curious and ask you questions yeah well let's just in our nature that's how God created us to notice things that are different you know you put a bunch of tennis balls on the floor and one baseball and our baby comes in the room he's going to go after the baseball people didn't for curious about her life
 567 years ago we were the same as everybody else in the church and the same which is kind of the same as everybody else in the world people actually rooting a song for things that were not growing us together but there were looking more like the culture and so were called to be holy and I want to read another scripture 2nd Corinthians 6 16 through 17 this is just kind of to let you know that that God calls us as Christians to be wholly the same way he he did with the Israelites I mean even the New Testament Hebrews talks will be holy for I be holy as he is wholly but 2nd Corinthians 6 16 through 17 says I will dwell as God has said I will dwell in them and walk among them I will be their God and they shall be my people there for come out from among them and be separate says the Lord
 and again at the reference Paul's reference the Old Testament bleach applying it to his new testament letters to these new Christians and so are you holy do do you guys have the same amount of debt as everybody else in the world do you guys watch the same movies as everybody else in the world the same TV shows listen to the same music do you guys put your children in the education process that everybody else does do you guys discipline your children of the weight of the world says I do you guys raise up your family monitor your time all these different things do you do things that they're actually different than the way the world does them I think we're so concerned about fitting in sometimes that we're placing people-pleasing yeah we're afraid to be bold and different and unpopular
 so this is I would say this is a call to examine yourself after this conversation today are we any different to the point where people are asking his questions that 1st Peter 3:15 verse
 it's saying be ready for people to ask you questions and to give a defense for the hope that is in you are people asking you questions are people curious about your life cuz if they're not that's a pretty big red flag and so we want you guys to we want to challenge you guys in your marriage to be different and to be separate
 and then you went out of that now I think that that's great I think you know you came up to me the other day even ask me after you were studying this and asked me so do we look different to a different and I sat back and thought about that for a while and I think I think that we do look different in a lot of areas and there's also other areas and I'm sure that we can improve in but for the most part I think yes or live our lives in the way that we lived I'm in the way that we treat each other in a way that we parent looks different in comparison to the world your people can see us and go that's an interesting I want to like tell me more like why do you why do you do that you know so again it's a call to Holiness and if you hear a little....... And our microphones it's because of the flying here always that's what that's part of the studio
 yeah I was like we have a leak I need to get like a fly zapper in this studio it drives me nuts okay we're big blue glowing lines kill possums answer to questions at her input as she sees Fit already what is your advice to a couple who are searching for a church in a new town when the wife is more spiritually mature and has a hand has stronger preferences about the worship style liturgy sermon content xcetera but still desires to help her husband be a spiritual leader for the family in this process
 do you want to send the first scripture that comes to my mind to be
 it's oh yeah if you're both Christians and you get to follow the instruction that is given to us and scripture and a fusions 522 it says wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife is also crisis head of the church and he is a savior of the body there for just as the church is subject to Christ so it wives be to their own husbands and everything that was a fusions by 22 through 24 so yeah you regardless if your spirit in more spiritual maturity no scripture more if
 you're just more emotionally into it regardless of all of that
 you your husband is to be leading that out and walking that out regardless if you got your this a type I mean that starts with this question sounds like so if you're a wife I'm just you know I know it's difficult but it's what it says it says therefore Jesus Christ a subject or just of the church is subject to Christ so let our wives be to their own husbands in everything everything
 and so that process is important we have to remember that that Christian women I'm actually specifically talking to you when you leave your husband won't like that is just the simple fact and I see that everywhere and I believe the number one cause of divorce right now is not sex money or children I think it's passive men I think passive passive and is the if not it definitely is in the church because that is just exactly what's going on is this passive man and you know I know it's difficult to be patient in the process it is a very difficult thing to wait we have watched and walked with several couples who are
 the wives are more mature spiritually they are more inclined to lead
 yeah I bought an in and just speaking to the patient's thing I know that it's really hard Dale and ideals always been more spiritually mature than I have been I've been but we walk through season earlier on in our marriage we weren't going anywhere we were going to church anywhere for two-and-a-half 3 years and yeah there was some moments for sure where I was like a little bit uneasy you're wanting to get plugged in somewhere but ultimately deal walked us through that journey and I have I'm thankful for where we are today and that Journey hope you know
 my flash wants to say I wish that season was a bit shorter but you know we are where we are today because of that and I didn't hear about it really at all from her like in terms of issues you expressed a concern when it was appropriate but I wasn't a, it wasn't like leading from behind or anything like that in here and there but ultimately you have the final call exactly an and that's how we we want to I mean ladies we have to just make sure that we're allowing the Holy Spirit to do his job and Christ I feel like just Christ doesn't want to give us allow us to think that the change that occurred and our Brothers and Sisters in Christ are from us
 we we don't get to do the change it it says that that the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword piercing down to eat at his job than you are and if if if Christian wives spend as much time praying for their husbands as they do complaining about their husbands we might have more radical change and so you know again I think I mentioned this a couple shows ago the case for Christ you just watch this wife beautifully just pray and pray and pray and then gently present but pray all the time for her husband and so again I want to see that from you ladies if you're in that situation let the holy spirit so that the credit can go to God to God be the glory if that changes were your husband walks those things and there are some tactics and strategies we talked about before and how to help your husband get in that position the biggest thing is get out of the way
 so what I would say is I let him choose the church
 now but I'm sure the church I would actually even tell him you know what I know that our journey and you you know that you know our journey and it might be that you say that I know you know that I I I been in the church longer but I want to honor God by honoring you and I want to I want to follow you so you make the decision about where we got make a man feel if I were if I were to come up to you and say something like that how was that made you make me feel so honored it make me feel like just blessed may be more motivated motivated just excited about like respected and people you know some men might my don't worry ladies some men might just go like no no I don't want I want you to do it they might deflect it
 just again just so you know what I don't want to make the decision I really want to follow you so it if you don't want to make a decision right now it's fine but I just I really do feel like the Lord's calling me to just follow you and just leave it at that and now then if you're listening to this
 seek the wisdom of your wives God gave you your wife as a helper that's what she's here to do to help you not to nag you but to help you and so Veronica is my number one closes counselor I reach out to talk to her about just about everything that we go through enough there's only reason I wouldn't suggest that everything is because men can pour everything on to their wives has access to anyting but I don't dump everything on her I distribute the things that I you know what she doesn't need to have this business struggle thing I can go dump that in my friend Aaron over here and he can help me more than Veronica could yeah exactly my way of protecting Veronica's at and this is what happens all the time is that that emotional weight that I would almost feel like I needed to carry if you've dumped it all on me and then the thing is is
 that happens all the time and Christians that don't have Community they're constantly dumping everything on the only person in their life which is their spouse and they just buried feather down
 so that's the answer let him choose let him lead it might be patient it might take years to get in there but be patient
 everyone thanks for listening to this episode that we wanted to quickly tell you about our one-year online America Mentor program every 30 days jail and I will take the live 90 minute lesson on that month theme and also provide a weekly challenge PDF to incorporate those teachings directly into your marriage sex and money to children and rolls but more than that it is all so incredible community and you'll have access to our private Facebook group Rock and I can send you weekly encouragement and wisdom straight to your phone but the catch is this we only open registration for a few weeks per year at two times per year so if you're interested in building an awesome in sign up to be notified about our next enrollment. I don't marriage.com now let's get back to the show
 right next question I'm curious if your view on alcohol content consumption my husband and I just heard a very powerful sermon saying that any form of alcohol consumption is sinful and wrong while we agree that drunkenness which is referenced heavily in the Bible is wrong but if we want to share one glass of wine on occasion after the kids go to bed during a home date together or is that sinful Behavior well I'm glad this is I put this question in there because we talked about just be holy be separate it's one of those conversations of of alcohol and frequently at least an email to me or written to me on Instagram I've had several people write that it is a common question and if you guys go to
 just about every kind of I guess reliable online Source on the topic you're going to get the same answer that I'm going to give the answer in short is drinking alcohol is not a sin but drunkenness is that's the that's the short answer now there's lots of caveat that I'm going to talk about just briefly here
 scripture talks about
 alcohol a lot the Bible talks about alcohol lot mostly negatively but sometimes actually positively I'm actually a few versus I want to read Psalm 104 4215 states that God gives wine that makes glad the heart event the Proverbs talk about drinking wine from your own Vineyard and that is a blessing we know that that Paul tells Timothy to drink some wine for his stomach to heal his stomach and probably the opposite I can't drink wine because it would be bad for my stomach right now the reason I think that the day the water wasn't super clean sometimes we're getting sick and slightly fermented wine in a lower alcohol than today's alcohol was actually a safer bet for some type of liquid and
 is it actually kill the bacteria in your stomach and said I was a common thing to drink wine then again it was probably more like 8% instead of like 40 or 16% which is a wine today now a lot of people say no but their wine didn't have alcohol in it and I go okay well you got a dilemma because the scriptures teach a bit otherwise up Jesus turns water into wine that's the main thing and some people say nobody out there wind didn't have alcohol in it and I go okay well let's just read what it says in John Chapter 2 it says every man at the beginning this is someone coming up to the office or the groom cages at this wedding they come to the groom after Jesus has turned the Vats of water into Vats of wine and hit someone walks up to the groom and says every man of the beginning sets out the good wine and when they guess have the guests have well drunk then they then they bring out the inferior you have kept a good one
 until now
 okay I don't think they're talking about there's an impaired judgement that occurs then you bring out the crappy one after you you know can't tell that you're drinking your wine know it's a it's an implied that the alcohol are they the wine is is alcoholic here so I wanted to bring that up drinking is a sin or it is not a sin drunkenness is and like most things it's a self control issue that's just the reality of it and we've seen this close to home in my my mother's life
 my mom is an alcoholic she passed away from liver disease it's a it's a but it was a hard trail that we walk through and we watch the the the grips of that on people she had stopped drinking and became clean but the damage had already been done to her body passing away from liver failure
 does he ever come to the Lord surprise gotten up and actually I'm going to say nothing I actually had a dream what was it made a year ago
 a year ago it was an again I don't like want to put too much theology out of this but it was interesting that I had a dream that that middle my dream I was like I was always uneasy about my mom and you know what you're not you know she struggled with these things that you know did she believe that she not cuz it was so close to her death and and I never having a dream in the in the middle of my dream all the sudden I just like see this vision of my mom telling me that she's safe and if she doesn't have it in my dream out of nowhere and I remember like this feeling of like butter
 like I don't know if it's pieces like that I had no need for Faith anymore like I totally believe almost like wow everything I believe about God is absolutely true like this is it was like one of those kind of vision dream of it so maybe do the Muslims and Muslim nations right now they're seeing lots of people come to Christ through dreams anyways it was one of those kind of different than a regular dream moment and she died from from alcoholism so I know it very well
 it's a self control issues we're called to not allow our bodies to be Mastered by anyting pornography money
 alcohol you know anything else James 4:17 want to read that scripture for us here to do and fails to do it for him Addison so this is a concept of it might be a sin for you to drink if you struggle with it yeah and we've you know there's a variety of things that it might be a sin for you to eat dessert you know if you got an eating problem but I also want to see if I can say something
 save it for example for your mom before she passed away we knew that she struggled with alcoholism it would be a sin probably for you and I to drink in front of her because we are causing our sister in Christ to stumble and so we need to use wisdom when were drink if you are having a glass of wine or a beer or whatever it is you need to use wisdom in that at and who you're drinking around who you're with because you can be causing somebody else putting a stumbling block in the right chapters 8 through 10 and it's the idea that love our love for one another in the church will limit our liberties and the Liberty is that you can have a glass of wine or a beer at your house
 yeah if you don't struggle with it you don't it doesn't have any power over you do not leave you can you're a lot when you're able to walk in the spirit and you're not going to drug but
 but if someone comes the death struggle with it and yet your love for that brother will limit your Liberty and you're not going to drink at that time and so we are very careful about that I me right now with my stomach I haven't had drinks for for several weeks and will probably not drink for several months and you know I'm not a big drinker and I think that I was a Believer as a Christian if you're one of these people that kind of gets off work and go up man how you doing I need a beer and a hard day and I need a drink if you say things like that watch yourself if you're drinking pretty often you know couple drinks a day or drink a day or two. You know exactly it is just that end in to being careful of things having power over you because man
 it's a sneaky there's a reason it there's millions of Alcoholics because it's Nikki it's Nikki stuff so we're going to go into our memory verse which I want to give you guys but I want to do an ounce cuz I forgot to do the beginning the episode if you guys haven't left a review yet would you guys leave a review for us you don't need to write anything I just have to get the stars in the iTunes app if you want to write a review we do read every single one of them and they are very encouraging so we'd love to hear from you and if you watch this video on YouTube would you subscribe to the YouTube channel and know that it is a it is a video you can watch and you can watch this episode at ultimate marriage.com and this is episode number 15 to go to the podcast section will have all that information for you guys there but will close out with a memory verse that I think you guys should memorize
 29 but you are a chosen generation a royal priesthood a holy nation his own special people that you may proclaim the Praises of him who called you out of Darkness into His Marvelous Light
 yeah so where were called to have that perspective on our lives if you believe wrong and never live strong and it's important that we we we believe correctly about who we are and we're not we're not of the world we're separate or a holy nation so
 will be back next week with a great show with a less hectic week and imperfect stomachs and pray for Dale stomach because we think it's gastritis it could be an ulcer I'm maybe going to need to get a camera stuff down my throat but it seems like it's weird it's getting better and then getting worse than any better and then coming back and so we're going to just figure out what's going on but please pray that that would not be serious and that we'd make it through so until next time we will see you next weekend
 thanks for joining us on this episode of ultimate marriage if you're homesick for a stronger marriage is that our website at all, more about building a better marriage Veronica and I on social media tips tricks and marriage